there are three things here that i really just can't get used to:

1) being different:
most of the time, i really feel at home here in mumbai. now that i know how to use the train, rickshaws, etc., and i can recognize sion koliwada (our neighborhood) and bandra (where i work), i feel more like a mumbaite than i thought would ever be possible. granted, the language barrier is still a huge hurdle. of course, all my co-workers speak good english. they are well-educated, having gone to english-medium schools, with at least a masters degree under their belt, thanks to their upper-class background. even store-owners and rickshaw drivers i can communicate with. at least sort of. i can point to things, and ask how much, and most know a little english... but the people i want to talk to the most, i can't communicate with. this morning, when i was walking to the train station, i saw a little boy carrying a heavy package on his head. i wanted to ask him if i could help him carry it, but i didn't know how to say that in hindi or marathi. and at work, i was putting my boiled water in the fridge, and the servant who cleans & makes coffee said something to me in hindi and all i could do is smile. i smile as much as i can, seriously. i feel like such a fool.

and the staring is another thing. the first week or so, i tried really hard to fit in. a cab driver in new york (who in a past life played for the pakistani national cricket team) told me i could pass as kashmiri. i believed him, mostly because i really wanted to. the first week in india, i bought a few salwaar kameezes to wear, and even got some mehndi done on my hand. and for some reason, i thought wearing sunglasses would help. but anubha pointed out that if anything, that would raise the prices of mangoes and leechies. i'm still deciding whether it's better to look away when someone is staring, or stare right back until they feel uncomfortable. with kids, i just smile. and women, sometimes i stare back for a second or two (until I feel uncomfortable!), but according to the my guidebook (i'm such a loser) one should not return the stare of men (i know, i'm being ridiculous), so i don't. but i can still feel their eyes.

2) overpopulation:
this fact manifests in so many ways. mumbai is a city of 14 million, the most populated city in the world. i heard a statistic that about 10,000 people migrate to mumbai every day to look for jobs. and it's apparant on a daily basis. riding the train during rush hour is a feat in itself. i had been warned of this, but it's hard to get used to pushing your way past grannies and kids to get to the front of a crowd when you're used to a culture of 'go ahead' and waiting your turn. my first attempt was a close call. i managed to jump on just as the train was leaving, all the women having squeezed themselves in front of me. and getting off-- fuggedaboutit. you have to plan at least one stop ahead, and slowly work your way to the open door, and still not allow yourself to be pushed out of the train while it is still moving. and the car-honking & driving. don't even get me started!! cabbies (and everyone) will honk to get people, other cars, and cows out of their way, to warn a car that it is trying to get in front of it (there are no lanes or signals) and sometimes if they haven't honked in the past minute, just to assert their presence.

3) the poverty:
i haven't even visited a slum yet, but i still can't handle it. on my way to the train station after work, when my rickshaw is stopped at a light, little kids selling roses, and old men on crutches will approach me, asking for money. for the past few days, i haven't been giving anything. why? because ritu, who is doing her PhD dissertation on street children in Delhi told me that i shouldn't, because alot of these kids are addicted to sniffing glue, and could go to a shelter, but don't want to because of the freedom they're used to, etc. etc. i believed her, and i guess i still do, but i can't ignore them. it just breaks my heart. even if they are addicted to glue, even if they do have the option of staying at a shelter, i can't bring myself to look away, because it's not like i personally can take them to a shelter and give them food to eat. all i can do is give them a few rupees. it's mostly a selfish act, really.

i was woken up at 1:30 pm today by ritu (who works for AVSAR) & nubhes. i may be mostly over jet-lag, but i never let a chance to sleep-in pass me by. considering the day before started at 6:30 am (yoga class at our local mandir/temple) and didn't end until 4 am (yaya bollywood!) i think it was reasonable...

anyways, we left the flat and went straight to "status," our fave grease-spot, to pick up frankies for the ride (yes, we have tasted the REAL bombay frankie roti roll) to malabar hill. the three of us (nubhes, paul--our flatmate, and i) finally arrived at nubhes' uncle's house, and we were greeted by pretty much the whole family, including shrey & aadi (1.5 year-old twins, who are both ADORABLE). we stuffed our faces with samosas, eggplant sapchi, and chai, said goodbye to ansha deedee (nubhes' cousin who now lives in NJ), and set off to the haji ali dargah.

the haji ali dargah is a mosque and tomb off the coast of mumbai. it was built by haji ali, a wealthy muslim merchant/saint/mystic, in the 15th century, who renounced all worldly possessions before making a pilgrimmage to mecca. legend has it that he died along the way and his body floated back to mumbai... we walked on the narrow pathway to the mosque, which is only accessible during low tide. it was a sort of pilgrimmage, as we were only three among what seemed like thousands of women in hijjab, men in caps or bandannas, and their children. when we arrived at the mosque, we took our shoes off and ducked inside to see the tomb of haji ali. we stayed inside only for a minute or so, as there were tons of people, and i felt somewhat disrespectful sans headcovering. we watched the sun set over the rocks on one side, and the moon rise over the other. it was strange, because i found the scene absolutely stunning, but also unsettling. the harbour & parts of the architecture were beautiful, but some walls were quite dilapidated. and literally the entire walkway was flanked by beggars: women, children, but mostly disabled older men chanting allah, allah, allah...

we came back to the flat to take showers (home sweet home), and after watching a bit of the sweden vs. trinidad & tobago match, nubhes and i set off for "out of the blue," a restaurant in pali hill that was recommended to us by a co-worker of mine. over indian wine & "desi" fondue, we decided that this place was indeed "out of the blue." it was odd to see such a swank restaurant in the middle of pretty much nowhere...

the contrast between parts of mumbai, even within a block, can be overwhelming at times. ritzy restaurants and hotels not too far from slum areas, it's pretty much like that everywhere. it's something bollywood films tend to ignore. watching "fanaa" last night, even the rickshaws looked damn good. i'm not quite sure how they manage that, but i guess realism is not what they're going for anyway.

i can't believe i've already been in India for a week. it's quite unreal. there are lots of things to say, but for memory's sake, i'll keep this post mostly about today while i remember it, and backtrack a bit later...

so i've been working at my NGO, committed communities development trust (CCDT) for about 3.5 days now. CCDT is pretty big for a local NGO... though the office is rather small (maybe 25 people?), the scope of the organization lies in its site-based programs (which include everything from community health programs in slum colonies, to residential care for HIV/AIDS affected-infected people, to day/night shelters for rag-pickers). my assignment is to work for the child rights unit, helping them formulate a manual on child rights-based programming as well as help organize/facilitate a three-day workshop based on the same topic. needless to say, i spend lots of time in front of a computer screen. it's not quite what i was expecting, but thanks to my lack of hindi/marathi skills, it's probably the only way i can really help CCDT.

so when ishita, a co-worker of mine managed to drag me out of the office at 4 o'clock (despite my supervisor, nihilesh, trying to keep me there as long as possible), i told her how happy i was. little did i know how much getting out of the office one hour early would mean. she had a meeting at Ashray/Phulwari, one of our project sites, and was awesome enough to show me around. Ashray is a shelter/support program for children affected/infected by HIV/AIDS. at the same site is Phulwari, which is a similar program for women at a stage of AIDS where they cannot take care of themselves. i got to meet the women, who were making beaded necklaces and earrings to support the project/themselves (i bought two anklets for nubhes and myself). and of course, i got to see all the adorable kids running around, piling onto one tiny plastic truck, and playing on the see-saw. and that's what makes all of the seemingly-abstract work i'm doing seem worthwhile...